What questions murk in the shadows of my mind? What reason or logic propels me to go forward with this monotonous life?

I ask these questions to myself regularly and every single time before I even begin to comprehend the depths of these questions, my mind shrugs away and I end up with nothing. Zero progress.

I tend to wonder at times how my life would look if I saw myself from a third person's point of view. I try to look at myself through the magnifying glass, my daily life viewed through the eyes of another person. I wouldn't have to go further. I shudder at the very thought and the unfamiliar familiarity with which everything happens in exactly the same way every day. I have let myself be sucked into a humdrum existence.

Reality sometimes hits you so hard even before you have a chance to react. I guess now since I have identified the problem I need to find the solution too. I need to change for the better. Need to ponder on the solution for some more time. May be I could make a plan, a checklist of some things listing the things I always wanted to do and try to carry them out. Anyway, glad to have done a reality check though it hurts.